Choosing Fulfillment Over Survival

I actually have a dream job: to either become a filmmaker or lead an organization. But if I had to choose between survival or fulfillment, I’d choose fulfillment.

I want to live a life that feels meaningful and free—where I work when I want, driven by passion, not pressure. But the reality is, that kind of freedom may not last forever. Eventually, I’ll need something more stable than passion.

Right now, my passion isn’t profitable. Filmmaking is incredibly hard to materialize. It requires a lot of manpower and creative collaboration—but all I have is myself.

So, I’m making vlog-style videos on YouTube. Even though I believe I could create better work with a team, I’ve come to realize that, for now, I need to rely on myself. I need to master my camera so that when opportunities show up, I’ll be ready to make better films.

In the meantime, I’m not pressured to survive. My challenge is different: it’s about controlling impatience and staying self-disciplined.

I don’t need money right now. What I really want is control—over my time, my decisions, and my body.

Like today… I mindlessly ate an entire can of Pringles and kept obsessively checking my YouTube stats for improvement. I kept getting impatient, frustrated. But I reminded myself: patience is part of the process.

So I’m stepping back, reorganizing my thoughts, and trying to plan what to do next.